the greyest skies
the cloudiness in your eyes
your hand extending out to mine, a surprise.
i'm not alive.
the loneliness does not subside.
everything i feel inside
drowned out by the shallow tide.
this subtle disguise of pain
will always reside.
my soul abides.
and i will eventually die.

every leaf dead.
green then gold then brown,
the color i love.
the color of your eyes
the color that i thought never lied.
the smell of fresh cut grass outside
i'm hurting from the inside
the spectrum of love
and its power.
you had your home
you've done what you came to do
i cannot wear this hate from you

quiet souls asleep in peace
take me with you
your cold breath stirs my senses
on this warm and lonely night
faint, red lights reflect off the muted street
and the moon my only companion
here, with me, the solace occupies my body
and the fear ascends into my eyes
you are nowhere to be found inside

i was born of the ocean

and you from the earth

nothing do we have in common

but our seemingly inconsequential births

as you rose from the ground,

i shed the murkiness of the place i had been

only to find myself in the darkness again...

there's no breath that we can share

or heartbeat to sustain us both

you take what you can from me

to continue your outward growth

i saw a statue once of an angel

being ripped away from the arms of

a beautiful woman.

my heart is now as hard and cold.

i feel nothing but an emptiness.

betrayal bore the mask of this angel

my soul desolate...in ruins.

the pressure of my heart beating in

my chest is too much to bear. how it

longs to shatter the stone.

the white delicacy of your skin is not

enough to keep me in. i'm torn.

i sway and the line falters and i

am stuck in between. between

the grasp of betrayal's hands. merciless

and free roaming through my mind.

i cannot bear the weight that this

has brought upon me. my flesh seems

to melt off my bones as my blood flows

redder. the nightmare ends.

01-09-2003

the end of a day comes so suddenly
although we know it's on its way
it's never welcome to stay...


what words
will you say
when given a chance
to say...

the raindrops of syllables
that trickle so delicately
from inside your mouth to the
top of the sky
they die
they die
and there's no birds
that can misinterpret them first
or memory that can satisfy the thirst
for a touch
for a look in an eye
that says i am here tonight
so let's just say goodbye.

i want to be so close to you,
i try to tear the skin off your bones to get inside
and the desperation flutters
from the tips of my fingers into my eyes
and the conversation between yours and mine
buys me a little time
as i struggle so desperately
to make you mine

droplets of rain
wash away the pain
that rests on my face
that burdens my heart
in this desperate place
wash away the trace
of all the trust
i could never replace
help me disappear
into the night
i frantically feared
to embrace

forehead to forehead
mind inside mind
immersed in your soul
and the fringe of your eyes

brown and then blue
and water subsides
the upwelling of the heart
held back by the tides

billows of gray
and pockets of light
refusing to slumber
but hoping i might

tired eyes let yourself go
fade to black, drift to sleep
it's not the surroundings that you know
not the memories you want to keep

the embers usher in the
end of something beautiful and bright
the sky exhales to end the
suffering of the light

muddled and confused
like watercolors green and blue
indiscernible up close
but focused with a wider view

silent eyes, cavernous
like an eclipsed moon
lull to sleep and never
dream of this sullen june

who am i to feel this way
when i have it all here in front of me
in front of me
this is not what i hoped you'd see
when you looked down deep inside of me
inside of me
the blood is red beneath my skin
but i'm not afraid to let you in
you tore me open and here i am
i hope one day you'll understand
you'll understand

because you saw past the layers
of my skin.
because i felt safe enough
to let you in.
because despite the demons
that have always been,
there's a soul that stretches
beyond every sin

i love you for seeing me

all that i want is the sun
a photograph of the sun
and your eyes
eyes that never saw the sun
and the sea
you, close to me
things that will never be
say you'll come back to me
say you'll come back to me

every day is a dream
i know you will come back to me
and i see the bright sun
shining in every memory

i never held your face,
but i saw it in my dream
i know your enduring heart
will bring you back to me

pile of memories
and bones
recreated
skin tones
tears that
perpetually flow
crowds that
systematically
grow
all in the name
of a soul
that time
unequivocally
stole

black eyeliner
looks heavy.
dark surroundings
blue eyes.
pools.
dark shores
crystalline waves.
slow down.
almost crawling.
look at me.
so malign.

an orange sky
cradles a white moon
so full it forfeits the night
when there's no beginning
and no end or no relief in sight
acquiesce to what it knows is not right